Forget me not
by gad-eshu'a
Summary: Spock has been tutoring Nyota for the past two and a half weeks but Nyota is not having much luck with her studies. There's a lot more to her lessons than she thinks. Very dubcon! AU/OOC/CruelSpock. Those who like In character Spock and do not like mature themes please steer clear for your sanity. There is nothing romantic about this. At all.
1. Chapter 1

" 5th floor, study cubes." she said crisply, adjusting her backpack's shoulder strap. She checked her comm and was happy to find that she would be about 4 minutes early which for her tutor would be right on time. Nyota buzzed with excitement at the thought of being alone with him again. Surely her being still being early three weeks into their study of the Gol dialect of Vuhlkansu would make a good impression.

Nyota paused in front of a window and took in her appearance.

" Hmm, maybe if I..." she mumbled to herself as she freed her hair from the confines of the band and shook it out along her shoulders. She had freshly washed and straightened it but the humidity already had it curling into gentle waves. She practiced a smile and greeting, shaking her head and tried another.

" Oh man I only have two minutes now!" she hissed looking back at her comm. She shouldn't be fretting about her appearance but she could barely help herself when she came here. She would get so wrapped up in looking at him that she had a hard time recalling what they had been studying. Nyota had to put in extra time on her own to brush up for their sessions. She wasn't sure what it was about him that left her so absentminded.

Nyota hurried down the corridor, reapplying her lilac oil perfume as she went. She stumbled in front of the door and cursed softly. She steadied her breathing and straightened her posture before pushing the door panel to cycle open. _Look serious not happy, that's attractive to Vulcans_ she chided herself.

With a swoosh, her former Vulcan instructor, now turned tutor was unveiled, not glancing up from where he was looking over a PADD. " Cadet, have a seat."

Nyota swallowed a sigh of disappointment as she sat in the chair beside him. He didn't even look at what she had done with her hair! Even from two feet away she could feel the heat he radiated off of his skin and felt a giddy thrill as he shifted closer to slid the PADD over for her to study. His knee stopped short of brushing hers just as he pointed to the screen." Read paragraphs two through six aloud."

He stood and paced slowly behind her as she began to recite from a stanza of prose, tilting his head so often to better hear her pronunciation. " Good. Now go to location 178.965 on the PADD and read section four." She readily did so her breath catching in her throat as he came to stand behind her. His presence was hard to ignore as she struggled with the written description of city hall located in Gol.

" Stop." he said flatly and leaned over to point out a word on the PADD.

He was so close! All she had to do was turn as she would be mere inches from his face. From his lips. " You said a'son, column incorrectly. Try it once more."

She repeated it until he nodded sagely.

" What did I end up saying?"

His expression remained passive as he told her. " A'sim, which means bed."

Nyota's eye widened in horror at her faux pas and she quickly apologized. He raised a tidy eyebrow at her and furrowed his brows a bit. " Why do you apologize? You are not yet fluent in this dialect, mistakes are expected."

She fidgeted in her seat, too uncomfortable to face his unblinking, dark stare. "I just expected to catch on to this dialect a lot more quickly than I have. It's almost like I'm forgetting half of it. I'm trying to study outside of our sessions to get ahead but now it feels like it's more for me to catch up." she huffed, actively pouting by the end of her explanation.

_So careless_ she griped as she highlighted the paragraph to study later. She was too caught up in trying to get Spock to notice her that her translations were suffering as a result of it. She pinched the bridge of her nose when she felt a mild headache coming on but his voice stopped her mid-rub.

" Nyota, I may be able to offer you some assistance in regards of your studies." he replied turning a bit to face her.

She perked up and looked up at him hopefully. " More than what you're doing now with tutoring me?" He nodded and sat next to her once more staring at her intently.

" I could pass on my own knowledge to you of the dialect pronunciation through a mind meld. It would be quick and painless."

Nyota pursed her lips and thought about it. " Wouldn't that give me an unfair advantage over my classmates who would have to figure it out on their own?"

He tilted his head, giving her point some thought. " None of your fellow classmates have approached me about learning any other dialects outside of what is taught, think of this as a much deserved study aid for all of your work and dedication you put into your education."

Her head shot up to find him observing her tensely. A mind meld, with Spock? She chewed on her lip as she thought it over. He could find out, he could learn about her feelings, see why she hesitated to take him up on his offer. Was it safe? Nothing would come of it with Spock being a Vulcan and in all likelihood spoken for by his bondmate. Hmm, he never spoke of her, did he have one? He would probably be amused or horrified by Nyota's feelings but move on and continue to regard her in a professional manner. She looked up again to where he was standing over here and slowly nodded.

" Okay but don't judge me, please, if you find see something that you don't expect?"

" I will not do so." he said, brushing his fingers lightly across her face. He watched her as he lined up his thumb and fingers along the side and murmured something quietly between his lips.

Nyota felt a cool trickle of tingling from the top of her skull down towards the base of her spine. She shiver and the sterile room around her faded to black. Within the darkness she heard his voice recite all of the prose and poetry that he had her study, it echoed and boom down to her mouth where she felt her own lips moving in sync with his words. It made so much sense now, she just had to relax her vocal chords a bit and let the air roll over them just as she let the words ride upon the waves of her tongue. Spock seem gratified by her understanding and moved about within her thoughts. She felt faint as he stop and inspected a memory involving him.

Her vision swirled and she was sitting at the table across from Gaila trying to choose what to eat first. This happened last week she thought, looking around remembering the terrible mixed salad they served that day. She could even taste and feel the limp, mushy greens sliding bitterly down her throat in a small lump.

Gaila giggled and ribbed her side. " There goes your boooyfriend."

Nyota sighed and frowned as she saw Spock walking stately across the cafeteria, gracefully avoiding any and all unwanted touch.

" He's hardly my boyfriend, Gaila." she mumbled as she speared her salad. " I don't think he notices me as a woman, only as a human female."

Gaila snorted a laugh and licked the lid of her chocolate pudding cup. " Maybe he'll notice you if you just wear that perfume I gave you for your birthday."

Nyota shot her a glare over her fork. " I am NOT wearing chocolate perfume around a Vulcan, especially if said Vulcan is my teacher!"

Gaila smirked and sniffed the air. " Still trying to get by with that lilac oil aren't you? That's such a myth! Yes, Vulcans can smell almost as good as an Orion but they don't get aroused off of flower scents. What would happen if a group of Vulcan delegates had a meeting with Starfleet with a vase of flowers off to the side? Do you think all the Vulcans are going to be like ' Do I detect a hint of Jasmine?' and jump the bones of the nearest person?"

Nyota groaned into her cup of tea. She had been wearing this lilac oil for a month and jasmine a month before that and he hadn't said one word about the change. She had also tired 5 different hairstyles proceeding the changes but Gaila didn't need to know she was doing it for Spock, she'd never hear the end of it. Never.

" I guess you're right. But I'm not wearing anything chocolate related or giving he a mocha to liquor him up!"

Gaila sighed and dug into her pudding. " Suit yourself, chicka. You ain't never get laid with that attitude."

Her vision clouded once more and she was in the shower rubbing between her legs furiously, in quick, hard circles. She leaned against the tile wall and closed her eyes.

No, Spock, please skip over this she squeaked within her mind, tugging at it futilely as he held it tightly, viewing her in the foggy reflection of the shower stall. She slid down and squatted, plunging two of her fingers within her heated sex. " Oh Spock please...fuck me, do it hard." she mewled and proceeded to pound her fingers into her slick folds. When she came she called his name and clamped down on her thrusting fingers. The vision faded to a number of other such occasions on her bed, while with a partner, and surprisingly to Spock once in his office at his desk during a time she was his aide. Nyota was mortified as he replayed each of her thoughts, feeling all her feelings and viewing all the times of pleasing herself while thinking of him. Once his curiosity was filled he released her and her memories from his grip.

Nyota gasped and shivered as the mind meld ended. It felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over her head, her whole body felt irritated and overly sensitive. She started to cry, humiliated at all that he had seen. Before the first tears started to roll down her checks Nyota grabbed her things and fled towards the door. Spock gracefully blocked her path and stared her down. "Computer lock door. You are not done with your tutorial yet. 15 minutes and 32 seconds remain." The telltale clink of bolts sliding into the panel let Nyota know she was trapped.

She sniffled and shook her head wildly. " No I should go, I...I can't finish right now." she sobbed.

Spock looked perplexed and sought to understand the situation. " Are you unwell, Cadet Uhura?"

Tears were streaming now. She felt so exposed and he acted as if nothing happened.

" Cadet, I did not inform you that some emotional transference might occur during the meld though I tried my best to shield you from my own."

She sobbed once more and looked at him angrily. " You don't get it, I felt nothing from you! You watched my finger myself and fuck some random guy while thinking about you and you don't even say a word about it!"

Spock's brows furrowed further and a slightest frown turned his lips. " You requested earlier that you wished not to have my judgement and yet now you are highly upset that I did not do so. So was is it that you want from me Nyota?"

She stopped sniffling at the sound of her name on his lips. She looked up but couldn't read a thing from his face.

" Tell me, what do you want?"

She nibbled on her lip again, unsure of what to say or what to do. This was all too strange and sudden for her to process.

" I...I don't know."

" A lie." he replied. She frowned at him only to gain the expression of shock as he leaned down and kissed her full on the lips.

" Tell me, Nyota." he mumbled against her lips and kissed her more forcibly this time. He walked forward until Nyota felt her butt bump into the edge of the table. He hands caressed up her sides and down to cup her plump bottom where he began to knead her cheeks. She moaned into his mouth as she opened it to him but suddenly pulled away, shaking her head.

" We shouldn't do this." she whispered quietly as if they were endangered of being overheard. She started to push away from his chest but his hand rose up to the back of her neck and held her in place.

" But it is what you want. I saw it, I felt it."

She looked down and shook her head once more. " I know but I...I'm just not sure. I'm just so flustered right now, that I'm confused of how this is even happening."

He remained silent with what she assumed to be deep thought but did not release her neck. She tried again but he only tightened his grip upon her.

" You want me." He growled at her in Vulcan. She flinched as he came closer to her and brushed his check lightly against her as he snarled into her ear. " You want me to mate with you."

Nyota flushed with embarrassment and struggled to free herself from his steely grip. " Please, just forget about it, I'm just...I..."

She didn't finish her sentence as Spock's tongue forced its way back into her mouth. She kissed back feebly but struggled once more as his free hand slipped underneath her skirt hem and grazed across her panties. She mumbled into his mouth, her words lost within his throat as he gave a hard yank to the thin fabric, freeing the moisture that was already pooling between her thighs.

He broke the kiss and Nyota felt lightheaded from lack of air. Was she really about to fuck her professor in the library? She whimpered as one of his fingers teased itself way inside her followed by another and then one more. Fear and excitement warred within her, shame glazing over both as she rocked her hips against Spock's hand. He watched her, his heated gaze and obvious erection speeding her along towards her climax.

She faltered as she grew closer, her conflicting emotions eating away at her enjoyment. Spock seemed to sense this and his fingers glided from her neck to her face once more. He pressed firmly against her skull and pushed her down onto the surface of the table. Almost immediately Nyota felt the heady throb of lust drowning out her insecurities and doubts. She arched her back against his fingers.

" Tell me now Nyota, what it is you want."

" I want...I wanna come. Please." she mewed her hands dancing across her body, pinching, cupping, caressing, fondling.

He curved his fingers inside her, taking pleasure in the way she asked for more and cried out his name as she shook uncontrollably against his fingers. Spock flipped her over, hiking up her skirt around her waist and held her in place with a hand on her back. She heard fabric shuffle and the unmistakable noise of a zipper being drawn down.

She shook her head and blinked heavily. Her mind felt foggy but her orgasm started to clear it up a bit. She felt the bulbous head of his cock prodding her slick entrance and she wiggled beneath him to no avail. They shouldn't be doing this. This was wrong, wasn't it? She felt strange, wanting and fearful at the same at.

" Spock, I don't think we should do this...please we should wait. I feel funny."

He was quiet as he shifted her wrists into vice grip of one hand, making her arch her back and stick her ass into the air. She blushed and started to protest just as he melded with his other hand once more. His passion and lust flooded her, inhibitions shorted out by the strength of his emotions. She moaned loudly and presented herself like a bitch in heat, rubbing herself up against his dick. That was it, that was what she wanted.

" Fuck me, fuck me, Spock!" she purred, pulling against his hold only because she wanted to be closer. She wanted to swallow him as she sucked him off. She wanted to bounce up and down on his dick, watching as he spilled inside her. She wanted him to take her and make her come, and come and come until she was spent. She wanted Spock to consume her.

Spock growled being privy to all her thoughts and forced himself inside her, causing Nyota to scream out. He was big, she couldn't remember having someone quite as large as Spock, his girth and length were both a uncomfortable. On the second thrust he made it all the way to the hilt and Nyota hissed in pain and pleasure. She was so full of him, her Spock. He rocked against her and she whimpered and moaned and yanked against his hand holding her captive.

" Tell me, Nyota. Tell me everything you want."

Her mind was sluggish with unbridled lust but she still registered what he asked. She pushed her hips back on each thrust out her body now readily accommodating his member, her butt slamming against his pelvis.

" I want this, I want you, I crave you." she moaned against the table trying to gain friction against her aching clit. She whined as he released her hands, pinned down her shoulders taking her now with a speed that took her breath away.

" You are close." he grunted, more a statement than a question.

She nodded and shifted against him as best she could. He moved one hand between her shoulders and used the other to lift her leg to rest on his forearm and table. Her clit was now fully exposed and was not spared from his balls slapping against her swollen nub. She didn't have time to make a sound as her climax slammed into her. She laid there gasping for air as he took her even harder, pain mixing with pleasure and bringing her even higher. She teared up at the intensity, she couldn't handle another orgasm like that but here was Spock ripping another from her body. She wailed and shuttered against him, thought and reasoning not fully within her control. She felt faint as he continued to pound into her. She got flashes of him holding her, his cock nestled deep in her fold as he took her while sitting on a chair.

" Let's...let's do it on the chair."

He relented and picked her up in his arms lowering his pants around his knees before settling down into the chair. He held her above his waist and slowly impaled her on his green, engorged member. She threw back her head and keened as he took her, no longer slow but quick and deep. She clawed into his shoulders, the fabric on his uniform bunching under her nails. She felt limp and boneless, tired and sore but she could not stop herself.

" Let me do it." she murmured and he placed both his hands along her psi points as she begin to bounce and grind herself against him. It felt so good, he felt so good. She wouldn't stop, couldn't stop, pleaded with herself tired body not to give into the urge to rest.

" I love it! You feel so good, Spock, I want more!" she yelled, pumping faster and harder against him.

" Make me..." Spock stared but didn't finished before Nyota leaned up and bracing her against his shoulders and fucked him from root to tip all in one quick fluid motion. Two strokes in and he was growling against her neck biting along the column. She cried out in delight, in distress, in confusion, all before of her vision faded to black.

Spock sat for a moment in the chair panting and catching his breath before moving Nyota to the table. He was better this time but he still bit her neck like he typically did. He could not help himself. He reached into his bag and proceeded to mend her wound with a dermal regenerator.

The Vulcan in him wished to leave it but he knew that if he wanted to continue his 'meetings' with Nyota that he had to be very careful not to leave any evidence behind. He healed the bruises at her wrist, hips and neck and wiped her mound clean of his semen as it trickled out.

Spock held up her panties for inspection and noted the design pulling out an identical pair that he had replicated at his house. Before starting his exploration of her body and mind two weeks and a half ago he had made sure to examine and take down the specifications for each article of Nyota's clothing during the winter break while she was off visiting family. It was easy to override into her code to get into her room, even better to cover his trail by using Professor Shuran's staff number.

He gently slid on the underwear and admired her prone form. She looked so beautiful to him with her vulnerable like this. He had an urge to take her again but he still his lok and passion knowing that he would have to wake her from the nerve pinch affects soon. Last time he had taken her in such a manner he had to replace all her clothes as he ripped them from her. Spock would wait until she could barely move before either pinching her shoulder as she came or pinching her clit sending her soaring before cutting her off with a bite to the nerve, his laving tongue washing his telepathic connection over her body and passing her out.

Spock repressed a sigh as he picked her up, scooted the chair over and sat her down in it. He folded her arms across the table and place her head gently down on top of them. She was his.

He stroked her hair and sniffed at her perfume wafting into the air. Lilacs. Spock had always preferred the jasmine scent on her personally but she would always change them with her mood, hoping that one day he was say something, anything about her. He jaw flexed in hopes of marking her again but not now. One day he would do so and leave it for all to see but that would be the day she approached him and told him she wanted him. For now, they had this, well, more like he had this.

He rested three fingers across her temple, the same three he had fucked her with earlier and whispered into her ear.

" Forget." he commanded and watched her expression flicker as her memory of her tutorial today was eroded. He was careful to leave the pronunciation of the Gol dialect intact. A present as much as a cover.

He gathered his things and put everything else back into place before working the kink out of her muscle, waking Nyota up.

" Are you well?" Spock inquired, his expression placid in the face of everything that had happened.

She blinked at him bleary eyed and nodded. " Yeah I'm sorry I don't know what happened. Ugh, I'm so tired and sore, it must be those late nighters and P.T. catching up with me. "

"No need to apologize, Cadet. You were studying and then you were passed out asleep on the table. I did not want to disturb you until it was time for you to go." Not a lie, but also far from the whole truth.

She yawned and stretched and he watched her like a cat does a bird outside the window. Only this cat found a way to open the window and catch his prey. He smiled quickly to himself as she noted the time and excused herself for class.

" This Thursday at 10a.m. is our next session, correct?" she chirped innocently.

He nodded and cycled the door open for her. " Yes, be sure to get some sleep, Cadet. You will need it if you wish to keep up with my lessons."

She nodded and absentmindedly rubbed at the spot where he had bitten her. " Yes sir."

Before she left out he gave her a small token of appreciation. " I noted that you are wearing lilac today. While the scent is enjoyable I prefer the jasmine oil you wear."

She blushed and beamed with a shy smile. " Oh, really? Oh well,...I will remember that."

And she hurried down the hallway before disappearing into the turbolift.

" Yes, Nyota. That, you will remember." he purred.


	2. Chapter 2

Nyota stopped in the hallway, selecting the next batch of books to be shelved from her study pile while thinking about what she should wear tonight out with Gaila. Her roommate had heard about a hot new club that took up a whole 10 story building. Each floor had a different color lighting and decor that could be found through out the alpha quadrant. Nyota had to admit she was curious about the Vulcan floor but she didn't want to spend too much time there. She heard that the Betazoid and Deltan floors were the most 'alluring' and that's where Gaila wanted to drag her tonight.

She sighed at the truth. In all honesty she was very excited about a night away from books, equations and translations to run into the open arms of music, drinks and male attention. She instantly thought of Spock and huffed out a breath. He wouldn't be there but she only wanted him. Too bad he wanted nothing to do with her.

"If only he wasn't so gorgeous." She groaned, reaching up onto her toes to store one of the books in her arms.

"Cadet Uhura."

She jumped up and squealed in surprise, all her books went clattering to the ground. She turned to face Spock. His face remained placid but she furiously blushed with guilt. Did he hear her? Would he guess that she was talking about him? In her musing he had bent down and retrieved the books at her feet. His head tilted slightly as if he were puzzling something.

" Oh thank you, sir! How embarrassing! I'm so sorry, you just startled me. I thought I was alone." She sheepishly took the books and held them to her chest.

At this Spock delicately raised an eyebrow and settled his hands behind his back. " A strange assumption for you to make as this is a public building."

She scrunched her face and furrowed her brows. " I didn't hear you coming. Remember I don't have quite the sharp hearing that you do, sir."

If she wasn't looking at his mouth she might not have caught his lips giving a slight twitch upward. She did a double take but it was gone as fast as it came.

" Cadet, I sought you out for your assistance. As you are a student of highly skilled in your linguistics, I assumed that you would be able to help me locate seven books for my phonology class this upcoming semester."

She was stunned. He sought her out to help him? Maybe this would be a small way of repaying him for all his time spent teaching her Vulcan dialects. She would have thought that he would have gone to the department head for his curriculum materials though. " What about your teacher aide this semester?"

He closed his eyes for a moment and she admired his dark lashes splayed out across his cheeks. " I find him to be incompetent for most tasks aside for scheduling my calendar and sorting my emails. He would surely find himself unfit in finding books adequate for my student to obtain the information needed for a decent final paper."

She gave a shy smile at his backhanded compliment at his new TA's expense. She forgot that the Commander did have a sense of humor that was both subtle and blunt.

" Yes, sir. Is there a certain language that's being focused on? Certain languages are located at different wings. One for Federation and the other for non."

"Yes, I am aware. We will be concentrating on Ferengi."

" This way, Commander."

" You may call me Spock when we are at ease."

She nodded. " Okay, Spock. Then you should call me Nyota."

He nodded and followed a few steps behind her in strides easy and smooth.

Inside her chest, Nyota's heart fluttered and she did a happy dance within her mind. Wow, we're on a first name basis! I wonder if that's big? Before she could think more on it they were at the Alpha/Gamma wing of the library and she started plucking off books that she felt would meet Spock's standards for thorough explanations and definitions. She wanted to hurry so she could get back to her room in time to shower and get ready for her night out.

She spied the rules of acquisition higher up on the shelf and knew that was one book she couldn't pass up. " Spock could you bring over over one of the shelving ladders so I can grab that book?"

He nodded and went off in search of a ladder. When he left, Nyota allowed herself one fist pump and a small whispered Yes!. He was so ignorant of how handsome he was that it made her want to jump for joy. _Just the way I like them she thought _giggling impishly.

He returned carrying the ladder in one hand and she had to stop her jaw from dropping. The shelving ladders depending on their size were anywhere from 115 to 225 lbs of solid oak, and here was Spock in a casual show of strength hauling this thing around like it was a mug of coffee. He set it down next to her, lining it up with the requested book. " Go now. I will brace the ladder for your safety."

She spared a small smile and started up the ladder. Reaching the top she bent over and fetched the book. She grinned and looked down. " Got it! That makes ten total for you to choose from."

She noticed Spock seemed slightly flushed but he nodded curtly up at her. " Come down and bring the four more books to study room 2A. I would prefer fourteen to choose from."

As she was climbing down Nyota gasped when she felt his strong hands fold about her waist, picking her up and gently placing her on the ground. It was so forward of him being the reserved Vulcan that he was. Maybe being around human all the time was rubbing off on him." Thank you, Spock."

He stared at her but said nothing as he took his leave, gathering and taking the books that she had already stacked. The other four books didn't take too long to find, there was only so much written about the Ferengi and most of it dealt with their love of a new currency called gold pressed latinum.

On her way up to the study room cube, Nyota paused in front of a window, checking her reflection to see that her teeth were clean of her lunch and tucked a few stray strands of hair behind her ears. _Maybe he'll notice I wore my jasmine perfume today or maybe he'll notice my new lipstick shade_ she mused.

The feminist in her groaned heavily at her preening but she couldn't help how bubbly he made her feel. Gaila would never think that she'd be the one bouncing around but then again her roommate only saw the professor as a Vulcan male. Nyota saw him as Spock. Her ever-curious, naive, dry-humored crush. If only he would stop teaching and ask her out on a date. Like that was ever going to happen.

She exhaled as the door swished open, her hopes and dreams dissipating within her mind as she caught sight Spock pouring over the books on the table. She gently placed the ones in her arms down on the opposite corner and waited for him to acknowledge her. He did so languidly, as if he were not pressed for time. " Thank you, Nyota. Your selected ten were very insightful. I believe I will increase the required reading to accommodate the other three. Leave the other four there, I may include them on the syllabus as recommended reading.

Nyota inwardly winced. She loved the challenge his classes provided but she didn't miss his reading assignments in the least. He rested his chin upon steepled fingers and sat watching her. When he remained silent, Nyota started to fidget under his dark gaze.

" Well, if that's all, I'll take my leave. Let me know if you need anything else, Spock."

She turned to leave and reaching down to check the time on her comm when she felt his hand take ahold of her elbow. She swiveled in his grip to look at him and he caught her chin in his other hand. He was now glaring down at her, a low rumbling emanating from his chest. Her eyes grew wide in shock. " Sir?"

He growled and she shrunk back in fear. " Spock, you're hurting me." She felt proud that she kept her voice from wavering.

" I have meditated on the thought 37 separate occasion trying to find the answer as to why you hold yourself away from me.", he spat out.

" What, what are you talking about? Let me go!" She begin to panic. He was acting strange even for him and he wouldn't let her go. Squirming in his grip, Spock held her more firmly until she whimpered and stilled her body.

" Do not play coy with me, Nyota. As someone well versed in Vulcan culture you saw no shame in parading yourself about in a flirtatious fashion in front of me. From buying me tea to requesting any open aide position under my supervision. Wearing one arousing perfume after another, sharing your meal times with me and allowing me serve you but your eyes gave you away when none of the other signs were present. Your pupils dilate whenever I speak to you and even wider whenever I say your first name."

He roughly tilted her head up and inspected her eyes. " Though you and your mind would say otherwise, your body has been calling to me and I have been hard pressed to ignore it." He slowly leaned in and softly brushed his lips across hers. When she didn't protest, he pressed his mouth against hers gently at first but it became something more crushing by the end of it. When he broke their kiss, Nyota felt his chest rumble with something that sounded like a purr.

Nyota was at a lost. Spock and everything about this situation seemed to be coming out of left field. If he had noticed her attraction towards him then why didn't he say anything about it earlier? And why the hell would he angry about her supposed 'flirting' with him? Nyota's fear morphed into something more resentful and she pulled away from him once more.

" Just because I ate with you and would wear nice perfumes didn't mean I was flirting with you! I don't know the first thing about flirting with a Vulcan!"

He pinned her against the wall, growling once more. " Do not lie to me. I will not tolerate it. You mean to convince me that you would show any male passing by your underwear?"

She stop wriggling in his grip. " What are you even talking about!"

He leaned in towards her face, his features appearing all the more alien up close.

" You still deny it? At the top of the ladder did you not bend over, unnecessarily so to retrieve the book of acquisition rules? And did you not at that time present your body hidden beneath your skirt? Even as I helped you down my suspicions were confirmed when I smelled your arousal through your clothing. Do not continue you lie to me, Nyota." He voice had grown rough and more accented as if he were about to slipped into speaking Vulcan.

She blushed and dropped her gaze from his. She had no idea that he could see up her skirt. How many other things had he taken the wrong way and read as a tease? " It is not within regulation."

She looked at him again, confused. " What?"

She gasped as he reached underneath the hem of her skirt with one hand and grazed a finger across the fabric covering her mound. " Your panties are not up to code and I am willing to wager that your brassiere is not within regulations either."

She was stunned. She stood their pinned against the wall, wondering where this was all leading to when he told her to strip. " Excuse me?"

" As your commanding officer it is my duty and within my right to see that you met the dress code. Remove your clothing and let me verify that your undergarments meet the code."

" Spock, you can't make..."

" I can. That's an order Cadet."

He released his hold of her and ordered the room to lock the door and not open unless he commanded the computer to do so. With no window no one would have any idea of what was happening to her. She swallowed nervously and wiggled out of her skirt and slipped off her jacket. Spock continued to watch her like a tiger waiting to pounce as she pulled off her gray undershirt, revealing a lacy bra that she donned across her chest. Spock paced back and forth in front of her, his eyes glancing about her body as if she were some equation he was attempting to solve.

" Just as I thought." He said slipping a long finger between the band of Nyota's thong and her skin. " These do not meet code 34.5.17 section 1a in the least." He grabbed her by the waist and turned her. Her breath caught in her throat when she felt his fingers trail lazily down her backside. " Remove your undergarments."

She shook her head. " No, I..." She stopped mid-protest at the sting of fabric biting into her skin. In one fluid motion Spock rid her of her underwear and was tucking them into the top pocket of his uniform.

" You will not need these."

He slipped another finger underneath her bra but Nyota, not wanting he to ruin another piece of underwear quickly released the clasp at the front. He pulled the lacy cloth from her body and examined it. " This is very aesthetically pleasing." He walked away from her, feeling the fabric with his fingers. " Did you wear these for someone in particular?"

His voice almost came across as hopefully to Nyota's ears. She was too livid to care though. She felt utterly humiliated standing naked before him. This isn't how it was suppose to be. She was supposed to be awkwardly romanced, then he would suggest they date regularly as a way of saying he wanted to go steady with her. They would fall in love with each other in their own way, hers human, his Vulcan and when the time was right they were marry. She felt so stupid for indulging in such a teenage fantasy, especially now with Spock acting like a jerk. She tried to hide herself from him with her arms.

Spock was now directly behind her dragging his feverish hands around her body leaving goosebumps in their wake. He firmly placed her arms at her sides and reached up to cup her breasts. He rolled her nipples between his fingers, gently alternating between tugging them or brushing them with the pad of his thumb. Without any warning he gave the stiff buds an experimental pinch watching Nyota jerk against his touch. She balled her fists and shivered. It was hard to not react to Spock when he was doing things to her she only thought possible in her dreams. He leaned into her, still playing with her breasts and she silently cursed herself when she felt her bottom press back against him. Damn her traitorous body and damn his amazing hands. " Do you want me to stop touching you?" He murmured into her ear while nuzzling her neck.

She felt herself tear up when she weakly shook her head no. Spock let down her hair burying his face into the inky black cascade. " You did not answer my earlier question, Nyota. Who was the underwear for?"

His breath on her neck felt like desert wind behind her, hot and dry. It almost felt like it was burning her skin.

" I wore them for...myself, sir." She screamed when he pinched her nipples again the pain traveling down to her clit and converting to pleasure.

" Do not lie."

He twirled Nyota around to face him and pushed her against the wall once more. Spock took his left hand and held the fingers against her temple and cheek.

" _Nanp, hif-bi tu throks_. ( Your thoughts, give them to me.)"

Then she felt him. Spock was inside of her mind, a burning heat racing from thought to thought, looking, searching for something. She faintly heard herself pleading, for what she wasn't sure. After a moment he stop. He snatched something within her and she groaned. He was looking for himself within her mind, any thoughts and feeling she may have held. He ravished each daydream and idle question she had formed about him, viewing each with a validation for his own feelings and actions. Before she could think to not focus on him he found her memories of buying the underwear.

_Gaila had thought the undies would give her more confidence in speaking with Spock. _

_" Clothes may make the man, but a woman's lingerie are his undoing." She chirped happily. Nyota went from rack to rack finally selecting a pastel lacy set._

_" The Lieutenant Commander is sure to enjoy those!" Gaila beamed._

The vision wavered and she suddenly back nude in the white study room detained by her former teacher. And horny. She moaned and pressed her chest against his.

His earlier purr returned and he knelt before her. " I'm sorry, I feel great desire towards you Nyota and it seems to have slipped over into your mind through the meld." He pushed with his hands and she spread her legs. He leisurely smoothed his fingers across her mound, spreading her labia before latching his mouth against her clit. She cried out and dug her hands into his hair. It strange feeling to both want so much more and less of him at once.

Spock purred and lapped against her slick folds as if she were a bowl a cream and she finding it hard to stand any longer. Sensing her buckling knees he pulled her legs over his shoulders and stood up holding her in place with his hands cupping each cheek. He had barely been at it for a minute when she felt the tell tale signs of a orgasm coiling low in her belly. She no longer fought or held back from him knowing Spock to be too strong to fend off. She bucked against his tongue and sought her release. He snarled pushed her back against the wall spreading her legs further apart. He dipped a finger into her center quickly followed by another digit and pumped them into her. She wailed and rode them as he resumed his oral assault. His sharp canines scraped across her velvety flesh bringing her closer to the edge.

" Sanoi Spohkh. ( Please Spock)" She whined. She was so close that she was sure he could send her over the edge.

He purred vibrated against her clit but when he took her hand into his and spoke within her mind she began to crumble.

/_Sarlah, Valsarik. Sarlah, nom-tor limuk ( Come, beautiful one. Come on this-one's face)_/

She trembled and held his hair to keep from falling off his shoulders. But there was no danger there. Spock was hungrily lapping up all the moisture that her climax extracted out of her and had her in a iron grip. She looked down on his face glazed with her passion and watched with fascination when he licked his lips. He fasten onto her clit once more and added another finger into her still pulsing flesh.

/ _Va'ashiv. Sarlah. ( Once more/again, come.)/_ He groaned into her mind, pushing all his desire against her.

He nipped her with his teeth and flicked his rough tongue against her like no human would have been able to. She sobbed as he wrenched yet another orgasm from her body. She had yet to recover when he pulled her from his shoulders and laid her against the cold metal table. The frigid surface shocked her system and Nyota struggled to right herself and get off of it. He held her down gathering her wrists in one hand above her head while the other fumbling with freeing his lok from his pants. She shook her head frantically.

" Spock, I don't have a condom."

" Why would you."

He rubbed his engorged member across her sopping sex, gathering her wetness onto the head for a smooth entry. She resumed wrestling against his hold. She was not going to get pregnant just because he couldn't wait to get a condom. " Stop it Spock, wait!"

He snarled and held her throat between his teeth. He nipped her gently. A warning. He lined himself up and speared her upon his cock. She moaned and whimpered under the hold of his jaw, at feeling so filled and imprisoned beneath him. His other hand went to her hip locking on in painful hold as he started to pound into her. Spock plied his fingers against hers, sending his pleasure seeping into her body. She shivered and called his name, both in protest and rapture. Once he had a steady rhythm he took the hand from her hip and caressed her over-sensitatized nub. It irritated her and she squirmed her hips to rid herself of his touch. He growled against her throat and ground into her harder. Releasing her throat he loomed above her. " Do not deny me, Nyota. Know that you are mine."

She started to cry and softly whispered no. Is this what it meant to be a Vulcan's mate? To have her pleasure drawn out of her against her will? " Spock, please. No." She whimpered.

But he did not please and he did not listen. He went from fondling her clit to fisting her hair and pulling it so that her neck was fully exposed to his tongue and teeth. In between bites he would speak to her in Vulcan, calling her most beautiful, most precious, his female.

She cried out at the first three bites but his salvia helped to soothe the burn of the marks. The rest was a blur as she fought to numb herself and to want the numbness. She wanted Spock but not this Spock. She wanted to have sex with him but not...not this.

" Are you mine, Nyota?" He slammed his hips into her and she keened. How was it that she was so close to coming once more? She shook with effort to contain herself but he only continued to stoke her desire. He stared into her eyes as he took her, no longer interested in marking her. Now he had his sights set on claiming her. " Are you mine?"

She had always wanted to be but now she wasn't sure that could ever be. Why would he ever take her so forcefully? Yes he pleased her but she had said no, and been coerced to shed her clothing. " Why Spock?"

He hummed and knelt down to smell her, not listening only taking pleasure from his scent upon her. He was so-resh. Mad, his logic warped and twisted. What had caused it she knew not. She only knew was trapped until she submitted to his madness.

She regretted even thinking about what she was going to say but she knew Spock not to be in his right mind. " I am yours."

He stopped and gazed upon her with heated eyes. " Mine."

"Yours."

He pressed his body firmly against her bit at the slender column of her neck beneath her jaw. She screamed and thrashed against him as he picked up his pace. It teeth hurt so much, it didn't mater how good his dick felt. That was until Spock bumped foreheads with her and poured all of his want, desire and affection into her. She was blinded, his feelings so great within her. She lost sight of who or what she was. At one moment she was Nyota and the next she was Passion alive and burning. Her back arched against him as she called his name once more. Clamping down on him in her ecstasy made him falter and he found himself following after her into his own bliss.

"Nyota!" He growled into her neck as his hips gave a few more thrust, spilling himself within her.

They lay panting on the table a wet, sticky awkward mess. She struggled to get from under him. He was so heavy so was panting for air. He shifted a bit but still held her pinned to the table. Nyota was exhausted but adrenaline had spiked her energy. She had to run, had to leave! She had to hide from him until she could find help.

Spock looked over to her read her panic and blinked. " You do not have to run from me. I love you, Nyota."

At this she felt her skin prickle and she stared at him in wide eye shock. Love her? How could he possibly love her? He had taken her body and her mind, and he supposedly loved her? Bullshit.

" It is true. Vulcans do not lie."

She flinched as he stroked her hair, rubbing his thumb against her temple. " Do not worry, my star. This will all be a bad memory."

And when she blinked she was in her room, lying on her bed dressed to go. She check the chromometer and she still had 15 minutes to meet Gaila at the club on time. She rubbed her head and exhaled. " What a horrible dream." she whispered.

She snatched up her purse along with her keys, comm and wallet and headed downtown.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This story is rough to write, read and to want to like. Thanks for my devilish, darling betas for helping me get this story out of my system.

The towering club was called_ Abyss_, and was already packed with plenty of patrons by the time Nyota arrived. She tugged at her skirt as she ran up to hug Gaila. The Orion gave her a tight squeeze before working her magic with the bouncers. Both of the doormen were Orions themselves and were happy to see Gaila and Nyota in.

The first room the entered was cast in purple. Most of it was composed of a dance floor a few ottomans off to the sides and a circular bar right smack dab in the middle. Gaila pulled Nyota over and order a San Fran forecast. The bartender winked at them and prepared their drinks with flair. Nyota scoped the crowd until she felt the gentle bump of her drink touching her hand.

" How much?" she yelled above the boom of the music. The Bartender shook his head and smiled, waving them off.

Nyota raised her brows and gave Gaila a very happy grin. " Wow, they love you here!" she said near Gaila's ear.

" They love me everywhere, Ny!" she yelled out into the club and was greeted with the roar of cheers from man dancing nearby. She looked at Nyota with a wink and a smirk.

Nyota took in the sight of her drink. It was dark and foggy, little waves of mist pouring over out of the cup. Gaila touched Nyota arm, pointing to their drinks and blew on both of them. The instant her breath touched the liquid the fog dissipated and the drink beneath turned a bright, electric blue. Both girls shot it back in one gulp, coughing and smiling as the liquor took effect. It was going to be a great night.

They headed towards the turbolift and when they entered Gaila ordered for the 8th floor. The lift spun open into a ruby red lit floor. Cushions and throws strew about the area. The tinny sound of Orion music floated through the air and Nyota happily ran out to join the dance. Orions were many things but bad dancers they were not. Even the burly giants of males littered about swayed with an impossible smoothness. The females were all cavorting about stealing the hopeful glance of men from each other, a playful game of sorts. Nyota knew she was no competition for their phremonoes but she could teach them a new thing or two when it came to dancing. All over the United States of Africa, people love to dance, making up new ones every week or so. A dance move from a month ago was considered old news in Nairobi.

She dipped and swayed her hips and surprisingly managed to gain a partner. Gaila gave her a smug smirk as she hung of her own dance partner, a Andorian who at that point probably didn't know up from down.

Nyota twirled and twisted around hers, and the male seemed quite pleased at her attention. He mimiced her movement only slightly less gracefully than Nyota herself and grinned at her look of approval. He was a handsome looking Betazoid, a full mop of auburn hair and a medium build to his tall frame. She had almost thought him a human until she caught his big black eyes roving over her. There was no mistaking those.

They stayed for a few move songs until he took her hand and nodded towards the turbolift. Nyota waved to Gaila and pointed to her comm in case she needed her and left with her 'date'. In the white light of the tubrolift, the Betazoid looked even more mouth-watering, full up-tilted lips and happy looking almond shaped eyes graced his face.

" You like Deltan drinks and desserts?" he asked and at her nod he ordered up to floor 10. The lift opened to a dimly lit area surround with plush lounge chairs and parlor tables. Cool white LED lights embedded into the black floors, walls and ceiling twinkled and shimmered like tiny little stars. Stepping out on the floor was like stepping out in space itself. He took her hand lead her to an open table setting and sat next to her on the chaise. Nyota looked over as she ordered a couple of things and meet his eyes when he turned around. Wow, he was really beautiful. He smiled and looked very bashful.

" You really think I'm beautiful?"

She looked confused as to why he knew what she was thinking and then looked shocked as she hadn't been training any of her thoughts to more polite things. " I'm so sorry, should have been more careful."

He waved her apology away. " No I think you're beautiful too, I just didn't know if I was projecting my feelings onto you."

She scrunched her nose and asked him to hold back on his emotions and he nodded when he had done so. She looked him over and shook her head. " Nope, still gorgeous." They both laughed at her antics.

Their order soon arrived popping up from inside the table. Two Deltan whiskeys and a ice cream of the same origin. He handed her a glass but stopped her before she downed it. " Have you ever had one of these?"

She shook her hand no and he chuckled. " Boy, are you in for a surprise. Look at me and drink it slowly. The slower you drink it, the better it feels."

Nyota narrowed her eyes at his crypticness but did as he asked, more curious than leery. She held his gaze, watching him drink his as she leisurely let the liquid slip into her mouth. It was cold but grew warmer as it traveled down into her chest. Nyota gasped and wiggled as she felt a sudden and wild arousal seize her. She moaned into the glasses, gulping the rest down. Her body melted and she felt flush with pleasure. Everything from her hair follicles to her toe nails felt at ease. She saw the Betazoid's eyes flutter close and his mouth part. If he was feeling anything like her, then he felt like a puddle of goo. She giggled and his eyes gradually opened.

" Wow, I need a drink like that after finals end. Oh my goodness!" she laughed again. It had been a long time since she had felt so relaxed, that she wanted to relish the moment. He must have picked up on her thoughts once more because he gently took her by the shoulders and pressed her down onto the chaise. He reached over and took a spoon full of the ice cream.

" Open."

She obliged and he slipped the spoon between her lips. Her eyes flared open in surprise. It was hot! She started to say something but it chilled within her mouth. Flavors similar to tart lemon and raspberry filled her mouth and she hummed in delight. Swallowing the dessert she noted that the flavors changed to something sweeter like strawberry and kiwi. She looked to her date who smiled innocently.

" The Deltans like to take please in all things. How can you know the pleasures of something warm if you've never experienced something cool. How can you enjoy relaxation without first having tension? By the way I didn't introduce myself, my name is Yorri Jakine." he said with a slight nod of his head.

Nyota nodded at his statement and spoke her own in fluent Betazion. " _Nyota. Pleased to meet you. Thanks for the company and the nice view._"

He looked happily surprised and went on to talk to her about his travels around the quadrant, many food mishaps along the way and love of all things terran. " Everything is so new here. Just when I think I have earth all figured out, you humans and your planet do something to surprise me."

She smiled and fed him some of the ice cream. He stared her as he accepted the sweet, licking the spoon on its retreat. Nyota shivered and not in a good way. Something about the way he looked at her, scared her but she couldn't place it. He frowned and furrowed his brows. " I'm sorry did I upset you? Are you okay?"

Nyota shook her head and looked up at his crestfallen face. " I don't know what came over me. I like you a lot it's just that I got a weird feeling right then. Not from you, I just...I don't know."

He felt her confusion and nodded. " It's okay I'm not trying to rush you into anything. I'm just really enjoying my time with you and you're so...you're really sexy it's hard to not try and let you know it. More ice cream, my queen?"

Nyota laughed and playfully bated at his arm, the feeling from earlier a distant memory. She felt safe with Yorri, and he had been very much the gentleman even when he could have made a move on her after she drank that whiskey. And she would have let him too. She was dying to kiss him.

His eyebrows skipped a bit and he smirked at her unspoken dialogue. He leaned over her and hovered his face above hers. He was letting her lead and grant him permission. She tilted her head a bit and kissed him. They both groaned and deepened the kiss with their tongues. Though they kept it PG-13, Nyota started to notice they were gaining the attention of others. She looked up into Yorri's onyx colored eyes and asked him with a thought.

He nodded and helped her up from where she was reclined. He paid and tipped and they were both off towards the turbolift. She texted Gaila that she wanted the room tonight which Gaila was only too happy to allow her. She had it as her personal mission to get Nyota laid as much as possible. They went in through the side entrance with a trick that Kirk had taught them and quietly made their way to her room. She opened the door and glanced at him as she motioned him inside the dark interior. He walked in and looked around in interest, taking care to not touch anything. She watched him from the doorway and unbuckled her heels. She stopped, suddenly nervous and self-conscious. He smiled gently and closed the space between them. " Do not be nervous, little one. I have a lot more to be self-conscious about."

And with that he shed his long sleeve shirt, slacks, socks and shoes and stood before her in only his boxers. Nyota breath caught as she took in the myriad of scars covering his body. Burns, cuts and tooth marks blanketed his arms, legs and torso. " A bad run in with some Klingons and their pet targs. I use to be a bit of a looker but now,...most folks are afraid to look at me."

Nyota looked from his chest to his eyes and began to strip once more that day only this time she wanted to. She stepped out from the clothing pooled at her feet and reached out to brush his chest. She leaned in and kissed his sternum, feeling his arms embrace her. She wanted to feel loved and cherished and she wanted it from him, someone who was looking for the same. _No commitments but no holding back_ she thought.

He said yes aloud and picked her up and laid her on the bed. They took it slowly, they kissed and caressed each other and said heated words of longing. When their mouths were unable to do so Yorri spoke them within her mind, making her soften. He could feel her readiness and slowly pushed his way inside her. She arched and moaned, lacing her arms around his neck as they leisurely rocked against one another.

The combination of the whiskey, affection and acceptance had them both not wanting to rush what they would share for the night. They came and went back at it after 30 minutes or so, this time up against the wall, Nyota's thigh's cradled in the crook of his arms melting at his tenderness. He thrilled her in a way, made her hope for a future of making love to the one meant for her. He was so sweet, showering her with kisses, playfully nibbling on her sides pretending to be an animal of some sort in search of food then finally feasting upon her. As the night wound down, they washed each other in the shower only to mate once more on all fours as the water rained down. Nyota laughed as he tired to fit in a clean P.T. shirt of hers and pulled into into bed beside her. Yorri shifted her in his arms and moved her plaint out of the way, cuddling her. She cooed and snuggled back stroking his hands.

She moved after a bit and turned to face him. They looked at each other, touching their faces as if they tired to memorize them. " Until tomorrow." she smiled.

He smiled back. " Until tomorrow." and fell asleep without a worry about the future.

Spock sighed and rose from where he had been meditating. It was yet another failed attempt to cool his fevered mind. He wanted over to his comm console and checked his messages. 57 waiting to be opened, 51 from his family. Ever since T'Pring shed herself of their bond he had felt restless, hungry and agitated.

It was not like plak-tow, which he fended off with the help of a Deltan that he had met while visiting Abyss. She had allowed his touch, to release his strength to its full force, thrilled and giddy from the blood fever that he shared with her. Her telepathy was put to good use and she allowed herself to appear as Nyota within his mind's eyes. He took, he owned her, marking her in every way her could.

Only after the fever had passed and the Deltan rose to left did she warn him. " You need a bondmate, Vulcan. Perhaps the pretty woman you pictured? Your control and logic is slipping from your mind. Thank you for the experience it is not one I shall soon forget."

She casually brushed his fingers and walked out of the door. It was true, with each new encounter with Nyota he could feel himself escalating. For now the library study cubes were enough, but what was he to do when they were no longer?

He did fantasy during his time of meditation of bonding with Nyota, locking her to himself for the rest of her life, each of them finding love and contentment from the other but he could not deny the other fantasies he had of her.

The others were he took her in front of the other Vulcans found on the 3rd floor of Abyss. Or the one where he had Nyota put her mouth upon his lok as he taught class beneath his desk, his hands cradling her head. And the most disturbing and reoccurring of taking Nyota in the deserts of Vulcan were her screams echoed out into the desert wind with no one there to here her pleas but him.

But she was not his...not yet. He need her permission to form a marriage bond and for that one reason only he suffered and waited.

" Perhaps tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow as always holds promise of a new beginning. I wait for you Nyota, you only need ask and I will give you everything." He closed his hand around the flame of the aesoni, relishing the burn and pain caused by the dying flame.


	4. Chapter 4

Spock walked about the city unable to gain the quiet he needed to go to sleep. He wondered around aimlessly, looking at people but not seeing them. The hardware store near his apartment was just opening, ready to take on its early rising construction customers. Spock figured he might find a better selections of razors here. The ones found in supermarkets grew dull very quickly and he wanted something that could slice into him deep as it could clean. He walked in to the rank smell of soil, fertilizer and metal. He browsed the isles and stopping right in front of the rope.

His mind turned and clicked as he selected a bright yellow nylon bundle. Wouldn't his beloved look beautiful laced up with the bright rope against her dark skin? All the things they could do when she was bound played out in his mind as he set the item back on the shelf. It was too rough for skin, he wanted to thrill her not hurt her. Maybe he could tie her up and lick cocoa and cinnamon off of her skin?

Or maybe she could bleed him herself, as a way of letting her know he was sorry for any discomfort he may have caused her. He imagined himself bound to a chair, Nyota wielding a small blade right before running the tip against his chest. The wound would trickle a rivulets of emerald green down his torso and onto the chair. She would smile at him as she made a series of shallow incisions across his lok as she licked and sucked at the head. He would beg her forgiveness, press her not to stop before he ejaculated within her warm mouth. So would grant him this and grin wickedly with a swirl white and green running down her chin. He wanted that pain from her. Not like how she hurt him with her strange reluctance.

No, Spock wanted to show Nyota that he knew how to make sex exciting for her, that was all. She always had a good time with him both standing beside and underneath him.

He had wanted her from the day he saw her, the beautiful African princess that she was to him. Regal yet approachable, she had him yearning to be separated from T'Pring so Nyota could take the cold Vulcaness' place. It didn't happen that way though. No, T'Pring had left him alone after she had long found another and Nyota remained just as unavailable as she had been her first 3 years of attending the Academy.

How he longed to hold her, take her gently into his arms and feel the coolness of her silky copper skin, deeply inhaling the floral perfume that was her. Even more than that he wanted to hear Nyota say I love you.

There was no greater honor that a human could bestow upon another being than their unconditional love and devotion he thought. He had so many things going for him, his looks, his intellect, his health, his libido, why did she not go on and permit his love, a love that he himself saw that she wanted? He looked the end of the aisle and saw the gray bearded manager looking at him curiously. " Can I help you? You trying to buy something for a project?"

The half-Vulcan tilted his head and gave a short shake. " Yes I was looking for inspiration on a personal project of mine but nothing that you would be able to help me with." And with that he walked out of the store.

He started towards the Academy to walk Nyota over to his apartment for their tutoring session. He felt it safer not returning to the same spot to ravage her, someone might try and say he was hurting her or that they were spending too much time together. That was for them to decide.

Spock was still several feet away from Nyota's dormitory when he noticed the pair standing outside. A male was caressing her arm and she was smiling back at him shyly. How dare she? That was not his arm to touch, nor was it her body to give. It was his.

Spock battled the tempest warring within him as he walked up to them. " Good morning, Cadet. I trust that your guest did not stay the night?"

Nyota's face flushed red profusely as she looked back and forth between her commanding officer and last night's conquest. " Sir! Not to speak out of turn but that is my personal business, sir!"

He felt his anger spike and he took a quick breath before continuing. " As you know, no civilians are allowed an overnight stay upon Academy or Starfleet grounds without the proper paperwork being filed and approved by the necessary parties." He glared at her companion and contorted his face into a quick snarl while Nyota was busy looking at the other male as well. This is what he got when he did not leave his mark upon Nyota, it was not enough to coat her in his scent and leave his seed inside of her. He wanted to mark her right then in front of this rival but he knew better than to do so in public. Being in public did not lessen the urge to though. His jaw spasmed as he held it shut.

" I'm sorry, Yorri. I've got to run, call me later okay."

The Betazoid stared at Spock probably picking up on his building rage but said nothing of it. " Yes, I will call you later. Bye Nyota"

" It's Cadet Uhura. Good day." Spock said to the male's retreating form in a voice two pitches to low to be his own. He looked at Nyota who was staring at him in a mix of anger and confusion. He could not truly blame her for this event. She was young and attractive, any male humanoid would be tempted to have her but she was already spoken for in the most primal of ways. He would forgive her in his own way and time.

"Cadet I have your lesson prepared at my quarters, if you would follow me." he turned on his heels and started to walk away but stopped when she protested.

" What the hell was that, sir?" she snapped. She was challenging his claim of her. It was good then that today's lessons would be at his apartment. He would not have to worry about anyone questioning the screams and moans that might be heard from his bedroom. He would make her know that she was his today, leave an imprint of it inside her mind to keep her from going astray. He would break her of that Betazoid. She could be no one else's only his.

"I do not like your tone, Cadet. If you are referring to the conversation earlier I was merely trying to keep you from a demerit on your record."

She wilted a bit at the mention of her sparkling record as he knew she would. Though the sex was always different with her, each time they started to engage in the activity she would always say something about breaking rules or regulations. She had a loyalty to Starfleet that he found charming but would not let such things keep her from his handling.

" If you care to speak more about it, let us do so in private. We do not want others to hear of talk your transgressions." he said quietly. She nodded and followed after him to his quarters. They were silent all the way there, absorbed in their own thoughts, she of her career and him of what he was about to do to her.

Spock keyed in his door code and allowed Nyota in first. He waited until the door slid close first before grabbing her by the arm. She resisted without thinking and was shocked by his expression when she faced him.

" Spock?"

He growled at her and pulled at her blouse sending the buttons flying. She shirked and clawed at his arm as he continued to shred her clothing, deaf to her pleading. " T'nash-veh! (Mine)" he snarled as he threw her onto the couch.

She scrambled toward the edge to flee but he was soon on her, all teeth and tongue. She cried out with each bite since he choose withhold his pleasure from her. His teeth sank like a knife through butter into her soft skin and growled into it. Nyota hurled curses at him as she clawed at whatever she could reach of his body. "Stislak! Fam du'nash-veh! V'tosh ka'tur! (Monster! This-one is not yours! You are a Vulcan without logic!)"

He roared at her and seized her neck. She gasped and tried in futility to pry his vice-like grip from her throat. She could breathe but it was not comfortable. It made it all the more frightening knowing that at any moment she may not be able to. " T'nash-veh! (Mine!)" he yelled once more, flooding her mind with their previous encounters. Her riding him, him mounting her and all the feelings that came with them. She groaned and arched, presenting her neck.

" Du'nash-veh... ( Yours...)" she whispered, spreading her legs to him in submission.

He was thoroughly pleased now. She was his mate and could not deny him.

" Ha, glad-tor du.( Yes, you see now)" he purred and stroked her body. She arched into his touch and hold on her throat, begging to be taken. He could not deny her. He flipped her over, her breasts and arms hanging over the arm of the sofa and her rump up in the air. She continued with her foul mouth pleading before he sunk himself inside her. She clawed the couch and purred his name. " Yes, more! Give me more!" she demanded.

He held her slender shoulders and set a punishing rhythm. She groaned and called him things in Vulcan, delightful, dirty things but it was not enough. He released his hold and settled his hands against her temples. She froze and listened, awaiting his commands. " Make yourself climax on my lok. Tell me how good I am, how good I feel, how none compare to me." he growled.

She shifted her hips and bounced her bottom against him, the resounding smack of flesh hitting flesh echoing off the walls mixed with her breathy moans. " You're so good, you fuck me so well. None can fill me like you do, no one can tame me like you can. Just when I think I can't you make me come again and then once more. You know me and you please me." she panted, feverishly pushing against him. Spock watched her moving, her cheeks making a mesmerizing jiggle as they hit his pelvis. He groaned as she ground him, taking his lok inside of her harder and deeper, crying out when she finally found her pleasure.

" You took home another that was not me. You allowed him to touch your body and for that you shall be punished." He growled into her ear. She turned to him looking up contritely. "But I have been good and done all that you asked of me."

Spock withdrew himself from her body making them both grunt in displeasure. " I believe it is popular on your world to give a student corporal punishment, I do not see an issue in doing the same with you though you are no longer directly my student. Sit facing away from me on my lap and place your hands at the edge of the coffee table."

Nyota held her head in her hands but moved to obey him. Once seated on his thighs, she leaned forward and placed her hands on the table. Her balance wavered and Nyota rolled her throbbing forehead against her arm. " Spock, my head hurts." she whimpered.

" Not as much as your bottom is about to hurt, of that I can assure you." he said coolly. She started to turn her head but her growled at her. " Face! Forward! Be still and obey me!"

She nodded weakly and flinched with a hiss through her teeth as he struck her left cheek with the flat of his hand. He experimented with hard and light taps, firm swats and more forcefully ones that he rubbed the against the flush skin of her ass. Spock listened, enthralled by the noises that he caused Nyota to utter, she was such a vocal creature. Something hot was sliding down his thigh and he looked down to see her sex glistening becoming wet once more and pooling moisture upon his legs. After a particular hard swat that made her tear up and sob, he ran two fingers across her nether-lips and dipped them into her core. She gripped at them, her muscles trying desperately to draw his fingers further in. She sniffled and a tear rolled across the high plane of her cheekbone. " Please, no more, I've learned my lesson."

Spock took some time to admire his poppy red hand prints gracing each globe. He cupped her butt and spread them, hearing her whimper in protest as he touched her tender skin. " Do you see how much you crave my lok, Ashayam? I do not take joy in denying it to you. You grow so wet and ready for me. You are not some whore that sleeps with Betazoids, you are soon to be my bondmate. I know that, do you?" he caressed Nyota against her puckered hole making her trill and coo.

Her comm buzzed in the bag beside him. He fished it out and he checked the id. Yorri. He snarled and then began to smile. Actually smile. It was his first time undoing so while not under the influence of cocoa or Vulcan brandy. He flipped it open and held it to Nyota's moaning mouth. He touched the side of her face and spoke within her mind to detail her pleasure and he would reward her with another orgasm. She happily complied. " Yes, please, make me come! Please, please, please, I'll be good! Please!" she panted, ignorant to the phone's existence.

He placed the comm on the couch top, sunk deep inside of her and rutted against the female he laid claim to, taking pleasure in knowing her former lover was on the line as she begged for him, Spock, to make her shatter into blissful pieces. /Where do you want it/ he asked in her mind. " On me, come where you like!" and he sent them both over the edge with a few quaking thrusts. She screamed out wiggling furious as she rode the waves of her euphoria.

He pulled out and flipped her over, splattering his mark upon her face and breasts. She looked so beautiful to him as she lay there panting and covered in his essence. Yorri should really get a chance to look at this as well. He grabbed the phone hearing Yorri yelling Nyota's name and asking after her welfare. She was fine, she was with her Adun after all, nothing to worry about. He clicked a few options on the started the video cam, capturing her image in all it's vulgar glory. He pressed his fingers to her toes and spoke to her silently once more.

/Say you're taken/ he murmured to her again holding the comm over her torso and her face.

" I'm...taken." she moaned.

/Very good/ and he clicked the comm closed. He slicked the tight entrance and wiggled a finger in./ Now come here and let me explore you...thoroughly./

Nyota woke violently, sitting up and trembling. Her head hurt so much. She clutched it in her fisted hands and groaned. Had she been drinking? Why did she feel so sticky and sore? She hissed as she threw her legs over the bed...wait who's bed was this? She looked around, her breath coming in short huffs. Hyperventilating wasn't going to help her but she couldn't stop. Oww, and her ass hurt too. Wait, did she...? No, she had never been interested, but...she felt so wet there.

She wrapped herself with the sheet and padded around the dark bedroom looking for clues, her comm and her clothes. Nyota struck out on the latter two but she did spy the a tiny red light in the corner. She walked closer and saw that it was a comm wall unit, with 57 waiting messages. 57? Did anyone live here or did they just come here to...ugh she didn't wanna even think about it. She played a few at random and was shocked by all that she saw and heard. She was at Spock's home? She had slept with him? Oh God, what had she done? What had he done? She gagged and held her head as a sharp, stabbing over took her. It hurt so much.

When Spock had found her she was curled up into a tight ball, biting the sheet and squeezing her eyes shut as she fought the pain. He fell to his knees and gathered her into his arms. " Nyota! Nyota, what troubles you? Ashayam!" he half shout, half cried. He dressed her as quickly as he could, took her bag and left for the San Francisco Interstellar Hospital. If she was suffering from something due to their interaction then they would be more than able to handle it.

He hailed a hover cab, the driver of which panicked and sped all the way there, all the time shouting that she should have been in an ambulance. He ran into the ER, her body limp and cool in his arms, demanding immediate medical attention. A nurse practitioner walked over asking that he keep his voice down.

" She is dying!" he screamed and the whole ER froze, even the bleeps and clicks of monitors seemed to quiet down. No one sees Vulcans convey emotion, but here was Spock screaming and looking on the verge of crying.

" Right. Lucy were going to need a gurney down here stat."

A medical team buzzed about Nyota a flurry of charts and scrubs, testing her for this and then for that, asking Spock all that he knew about her. They grew more concerned when he mentioned melding with her.

" And she is not bonded to you?" a small Trill doctor questioned him. When he shook his head and the doctor's face went into a scowl.

" Let's say the human brain is like a two lane street equipped with shoulders off to the side, having a meld with a Vulcan whose brain is more like 4 lane highway, forces a lot more neural traffic down than the 2 lane road is able to manage. Forming a bond with her does a bit of road work for her in her brain to redirect all the extra traffic. Right now and probably a few times before all the extra traffic is driving onto the shoulder to get through and get processed but now all the synaptic cars are crashing and piling up. Why did you meld with her so many times without first consulting an elder? Which by the way we are going to need if she's going to live." he spat and was instantly shocked to see Spock's shoulders heaving as he began to sob.

" I have an elder for you to reach. T'Pau, she is visiting her son in the embassy, please call her. Save my Ashaya! I will die with her if you can not save her. I want nothing but her. She is mine." he choked unfamiliar with releasing his emotion into live action.

It hurt to cry. His throat burned and felt as if it had a lump, while the tears streamed both down his face and through his nose making it wet and runny. His chest felt the worst, like there was a raw, gaping hole rapidly consuming him. His one was dying because of him, because he was sick and did not think to once accept the help that his parents and grandmother offered him. He knew what all 51 messages would more or less say. Let us help you, do not go on destroying yourself, but he had wanted too. He was unloved, outcast and broken and the only thing that kept him here was Nyota's feeling of affection. He tried so hard to make her love him but each false accidental touch he made let him now the results were fruitless. At first cocoa numbed him ( k'vass had been so hard to come by) but cuts and burns were more distracting from his pain else were. And he could control those, how deep, how wide, how many, how few. And when he was done he could just repair the damage to his body but he could not do so for his mind.

Nyota had been the best thing to ever happen to him and he could not find a way to claim her. He would watch her during the time she was an aide and while out on her lunch breaks, masturbate to her scent infusing the room. The guilt had been so strong the first time he cut himself right there at his desk across his stomach. But that was not enough, nothing was enough were she was concerned. He needed her so much, he wanted to devour her and hold her life inside of him. She was his. She was his. SHE WAS HIS!

He was growling and crying, snarling now at anyone that got to close to her. He stood up to stand at her side and sobbed. His Nyota. Why did she have to be so fragile to his touch. He was playing with her hair when a richly dressed Vulcan appeared in the doorway. Sarek.

" Spock, what have you done?" he asked flatly.

A rival. Spock snorted and growled a warning. He would not have her. He would die if he touched her and he said as much in Vulcan to the challenger.

Sarek tilted his head, looking sadden and distressed. " Son, I have my own, I do not challenge you for yours. You may have her if she'll have you."

" OF COURSE SHE'LL HAVE ME. CAN YOU NOT SMELL ME ON HER! I MATE WITH HER ALMOST EVERY DAY!" he roared. Spock shook his head feeling dizzy with anger. No one ever understood. Why couldn't they understand she belonged to him? " SHE'S MINE!"

He launched himself through the air towards his father. It was a dance of fire and ice, Spock's hot fury to Sarek's frigid passiveness. Spock did not check himself and landed a few blows to the older Vulcan but Sarek was a more seasoned fighter. He stopped his defensive pose and struck out hitting his son's sternum. The wind left him and it went downhill from there. Spock was fine with attacking but his mind was not focused at all on blocking. Even as Sarek pelted him with blows paralyzing his right arm and left foot Spock still swatting fiercely clawing at his father's robes and face. Sarek remained calm and focused and was rewarded with Spock's back after the younger Vulcan attempted to jab him. He held his shoulder and took his index and middle finger of his other hand and held them against the base of his skull. Spock instantly fell to his knees and knelt motionless. The doctors and nurses that ran outside at the first few blows returned after a few minutes of quiet along with a petite Vulcan elder. Lady T'Pau.

She looked at her grandson and then towards Nyota. Both looked to be in horrible condition like she expected but she still felt...moved. " Spock, your thoughts, give them to me."

She almost winced against the maelstrom of his mind. He was tearing himself apart, looking and searching for Nyota who he had not even bonded to. He cried her name in his mind and wailed in despair as his cries went unanswered. Visions of her floated by and faded from view all of her smiling or moaning or heavily lidded in lust. T'Pau pressed gently on his katra and found it wilting and withering. Spock was not only going to die in corporal form but in spirit as well. He had been in tel'has-mar (bond diseased or sick) so long that without bonding with Nyota his body was choosing to decay. Without her he would rather be dead.

T'Pau clucked her tongue as she reviewed his 'courtship' of the small, dark human. She had suffered. Never in her days did she ever think Spock capable of such...ek'rasahkos (evil).

" I need her. I love her." Spock whispered aloud and within.

T'Pau felt heavy with burden. As she withdrew from his mind. It seemed that both would die and all because of feelings. A poisoned love.

" Sa-fu he is dying a true death to shan'hal'lak ( The Engulfment) due largely in part to the tel'has-mar but the young human's demise tipped him over the edge."

She turned to the Trill doctor who cowered a bit at her unflinching gaze. " You will stabilize these two and transport them to these ship co-ordinates and into my custody. They are now under my care."

The Trill started to object and thought better of it when she raised an eyebrow at him.

" What are you going to do?"

T'Pau squared her slim shoulders from beneath her robes and answered. " Whatever is necessary for them to survive."


	5. Chapter 5

Sarek and Amanda watched from the balcony as their son and their soon to be daughter in law slowly made their way through the hybrid rose garden. Every now and again Nyota would sniff a flower and point it out for Spock to do the same. He would and she would smile and he would speak more about the process his mother painstakingly took to grow the plants. It was sweet or at least would have been if it were not so deceiving. It was a beautiful yet sickening lie. T'Pau walked out join them dismissing her attendants with a flick of her wrist. They bowed leaving the three alone to their thoughts.

" Sa-fu. Kofu. Your thoughts, speak them to me." the matron spoke softly.

Amanda turned away from them to look at her son and hide the emotional distress playing across her face. Her eyes fluttered as she tried to hold back her tears. "We have betrayed her." she whispered not daring to speak any louder as her voice may have cracked from the regret and sadness she kept bound within her.

" It was unfortunate. Spock, despite his tel'has-mar had made it up in his mind and katra to only be satisfied with Nyota and no other as his Adun'a. Unlike our people Spock has an emotional depth that simply could not be fathomed. He was born with not only the unyielding love of a human but also the deep-sated possessiveness of a Vulcan. It can be reasoned that if he had stayed with T'Pring who abandoned him for Stonn and if he had never been in close contact with Nyota, only having her as a student and not an aide and later friend, that this would have never happened." T'Pau spoke gravely. The elder did not like it any more than her daughter in law but she had seen into their minds when she had joined them.

Spock's madness had been contained to his own mind for an admirably long time. For 192 days where other Vulcans would have long perished, Spock went on instructing his students and suffering in silence. It appeared that the abuse of his body and then hers had prolonged his existence. The thin, brown human had been his only comfort, she did not judge him like other Vulcans or Humans, and had shown him kindness as an overture to her affection for him.

Shortly after becoming his aide, Spock had fallen in love with Nyota, desiring her to be the bondmate that he should have had but possessed no longer. He pined for her day after day, fearing her rejection and scared of losing her to a rival male. His hope of winning her heart prolonged his life but twisted his mind. The Vulcan desire to bond with her and make her his warred with that of the human's love and desire to let her choose and love him back. He had taken her body, performed kae'at k'lasa (mind rape) when she had no way to defend herself from his advances, from his hellish devotion.

Though people would judge them as emotionless and cold, the truth of the matter was that Vulcans needed the frigid hold of logic to bind their passions. Their society was not perfect nor in some way was it ideal but it had survived and grew in population. In pre-enlightenment times, bonds and mates were taken on forcefully, hard fought for after killing any number of challengers and their prized female pulled under the winning male's body. It was turbulent and frightening era, that anything could be made or created still surprised T'Pau. And though they would go onto tell their young that other races were not worthy of them, it was they, the Vulcans, that were unworthy of them. Ashamed of who they were and what they were capable of drove the elders of their race to pass on the elitist attitude, calling it ideal and logical. But there were still instances like that of her sa-fu finding and claiming his Amanda. It was most convenient that she had sought him out as much as he did towards her, their bond was formed without issue.

Nyota being Spock's subordinate never had such a luxury as they would have both been disciplined for their actions.

The yearning that Spock felt when he first touched Nyota in passing at the library was like coolant being dumped into the warp core manifold, it sent his carefully managed sickness into a lust-filled mania. If only she could have gotten to him sooner, maybe then both of the young ones could have been spared their pain. Spock would not have been able to live with his knowledge of his sins, of his crazed ravaging of his _ashayam _and Nyota would never hope to live with a Vulcan that had raped her in every way he could. Not that they would ever remember, she had personally seen to that.

Sa-fu was watching her as he pondered a loud. " Will they ever find out?"

T'Pau folded her thin hands into the sleeves of her robe. She gracefully dipped one shoulder and turned her face to the side, the Vulcan body language for no. " Sarek you have nothing to worry about every thing to remind them will be expunged and wiped clean. Now are you and your Adun'a prepared?" she asked withdrawing her hands. Sarek bowed his head and kneeled before his mother but Amanda was openly crying now.

" How can I just forget what my son has done to her?" she said gesturing towards the pair in the garden. " Not that he intended to ever hurt her, but he did and I don't think he deserves Nyota."

T'Pau found it hard to rebuke her, her logic was sound but things in life were never so simple as logic lead one to believe. Especially were human were involved. " In truth Spock deserves nothing and everything. Would you think it more humane of me to confine my grandson to his quarters in your domicile until he died from his tel-es-mar or suicide brought on from his guilt, shame and loneliness? Do you think it better to restore all of Nyota's memories that Spock had retained inside his mind and leave her to possibly heal herself, to tell her some such pitifully lacking sentiment like we are sorry for causing offense and we hope you can move on from this experience that is most unnatural to have happened to you? That I should have chosen not to forgive and forget, in such a way as to give them a second chance at their lives?"

Amanda sighed heavily rubbing the tears into her face. T'Pau could feel Sarek's pain and concern through their bond as well, most of it she could sense was towards his Amanda, but she was sure that he was in the process of bundling his feelings towards the situation as a whole.

" It's still does not make it right." she sniffed into her sleeve, looking so very human before their eyes. T'Pau would not hold this one instance of emotional weakness against her, it was a troubling issue that was personal to all involved. To act as judge, jury and justice for somebody else's life should not be taken lightly.

" You're grief and sorrow will heal them of nothing and only cause them harm if they were to ever find out what you know. I shall grieve for thee, as matriarch of this clan it is my duty and obligation to do so. Now daughter, come." T'Pau extended her withered hand towards the pale human. Amanda shut her eyes tightly but bowed before her, her head tilted to receive her touch.

T'Pau rested her fingers upon them gently, entered in with the softest touch she could manage. She could tell Amanda was battling with the need to object to the whole process so she would not linger on the task. She gathered all their memories and thoughts of Spock and Nyota and edited each to only contain information of what they were now, a happily newly bonded couple. T'Pau clipped and sheared with a surgeon's precision, not leaving any memories with ragged edges or gaping holes. After she had stitched and cauterized her work she slipped quietly from their minds.

They slowly blinked up at her and stared.

" Your bonds are strong and healthy, I detect no issues to be resolved. Now, let us join the kanlar down in the garden."

They both nodded, Sarek helping Amanda to her feet unnecessarily so and they all went out to see Spock and Nyota.

They went downstairs and out the of the narrow door leading to the ground floor deck. Amanda covered a smile and pointed to where Spock was smelling Nyota as she was smiling another rose. T'Pau had flash of panic. Had their bond not cured him? He stood up and greeted as the came closer. T'Pau quickly shot through their her bond with Spock and saw that all was well, perhaps he was just indulging himself in the scent of his mate. " Spohkh-kam, attend me."

Spock nodded and held out his fore arm where she gently rested her hand. They walked through the meandering path until it led to a redstone bench. T'Pau lowered herself down, happy to sit as last and Spock sat beside her curiously. He was also so curious, she noted, that was one of her favorite qualities about this grandson.

" Ko'mekh-il?" he called her questioning their separation from the group.

She wasted no word with him not wanting to dwell any longer than she had too. " You love your Nyota. Take great care in attending to her needs and entertain her wants. Though she is human and female do not think her weak, it will only agitate your Vulcan need to protect her with your life. See to it that you adorn her in your trust and treasure this mate you have procured with the utmost respect. I expect nothing less than from you towards Nyota. And if you feel that she is in danger from you, you will call me immediately. Understand and obey in these things Spohkh-kam."

Spock's brows furrowed but he nodded in agreement. " Of course, this one sees the logic in this. But do not worry, Ko'mekh-il T'Pau, I would never hurt Nyota knowingly. I love her."

If she would able to do so T'Pau would frown ever so slightly at his statement. " I know Spohkh-kam, I know."

They watched from the bench as Nyota flinched away from a rose stem and put her pricked finger into her mouth.

So sad, T'Pau thought. That the beautiful flower Nyota would always be equally guarded and held captive by the thorns that were her Spock. And for the first time in the matron's long life she wished to forget.

Author's Note: Thank you all for reading this trying story, it was something that my spirit wrestled with to type out and share. I do not condone violence against women, nor do I think it's okay to let a friend who is abusing their body go unquestioned. I felt it in my heart of hearts that story like this shouldn't get diluted or water down for sensitivity's sake because experiences like these are never kind enough to be refined before you experience them. Every relationship has its unique set of challenges but it's the ones that remain hidden that are usually the most heartbreaking. I personally had a friend her married and was later widowed by her rapist, whose family never told her that he was bi-polar. I remember her telling our church in her testimony about the experience and how many times things got in the way of her trying to have a relationship with him but she ignored all the signs. " I loved him so much I wasn't going to let God stop me." and I was riveted. I could not imagine living her life even as she told it to me.

I have dealt with my issues of dancing with the devil and being hurt in the process so it couldn't very well understand why someone would welcome it. But temptation and desire never do make any sense. This story is not based on my sister in Christ but largely in part on my own struggles with my former addiction to sex, search for love and issues from abuse.

I just had to get this dark thing out of me, so sorry for any discomfort this note or the ending of this story my have caused but thank you again for reading. Reviews for the story as a whole are very much appreciated and PM's are welcomed. A huge thanks and hug towards my lovely betas who have been excellent, serious, smutty reviewees, Sokona and my dragon V. LLAP

Without first walking through the darkness, we won't come to appreciate the light.


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